Interview with Grammy
My Dad's family has been in San Francisco since 1856. My ancestors were leaders in the sugar industry, importing sugar cane from Hawaii to the West Coast. The family settled and became prominent in a city that was rapidly growing due to the effects of the Gold Rush. They owned one of the famous San Francisco houses that were all destroyed in the 1906 earth quake. Eventually the family grew and members went on to found hospitals and pioneer women's labor rights in San Francisco. By 1941, when the San Francisco Cotillion Club held it's first ball, the Spreckels-Montgomery family was well established in San Francisco, and therefore very naturally included in the event. The family has clearly since grown, and this year alone there were four of us (myself and three cousins) who were invited to be debutantes.
The way that the Ball works, is decedents of those original 100 or so families are invited to become debutantes in San Francisco, regardless of whether or not they still live there. That is how girls like Laura end up coming-out in San Francisco. Families who have moved to San Francisco in the last 60 years, regardless of how prominent they may be now, are not invited to have their daughters be debutantes. My grandmother on my Dad's side (who I affectionately call Grammy) has been involved in the Cotillion Club for many years, and is one of a long list of women in her family to have been involved. While I was not sure that I wanted to be a part of the Ball, it meant a lot to her that I participate, so I agreed. Here is my interview with my Grammy.
MB: The Cotillion Club of San Francisco and debutante balls in general often receive criticism for being exclusive and elitist, do you think that's true? Why do you remain involved in the Ball year after year?
Grammy: I think the Ball represents history and tradition. Sure, at the time of its initiation, the Ball was only open to an exclusive group of families in San Francisco, but today when you girls walk out in front of your families and friends, it isn't because your parents make a certain amount of money--nobody can buy their way in. When you walk you are representing generations of your families, and celebrating their legacies. It is fun for me as a grandmother to see the great-granddaughters of all of my mother's friends all in one place. I don't deny that there is an over-the-top feel about it all, but the tradition means a lot to me.
MB: Speaking of over the-top, let's talk about the dresses for a second. Why does the Committee still insist that we all wear wedding-esque gowns?
Grammy: Well that's just tradition too. It's so fun with all of you in white, you can tell who is a debutante and you all just look so beautiful. Didn't you enjoy feeling like the princess for the night?
MB: Sure, I guess. But I felt a little bit bad you spent all that money on a dress I may only wear once. I'm not sure I understand why I needed a new dress, I'm sure I could have found one to wear from someone who has already been a debutante.
Grammy: I actually wanted you to wear the dress your aunt came-out in. But I couldn't find it in time. I'm sure it's upstairs somewhere. Plus, you never know, you may wear your dress again for your wedding!
MB: We can cross that bridge when we get there. You mentioned the connections of all the families involved, how many of the 3,000 people that were at the Ball would you say you know.
Grammy: Probably about half. I definitely know all the older crowd. Genie Callan (Jennie's Grandma) and I have been sitting at the same table together for more years than I can count. We always talk about our favorite dresses together. The people I don't know are mostly the friends that you as debutantes are all allowed to invite, and the family members from out of town. It is a fun reunion for me though, because i get to see so many people I know but don't get to see very often all in the same night. It is definitely my biggest social event of the year.
MB: Last question: What was it like to have me in the Ball this year? Will you expect Phoebe (my little cousin) to be a debutante too?
Grammy: Well you know, you have a lot of second-cousins. There were what, four of you who were invited to be debutantes this year?
MB: Yes.
Grammy: Right. Four of you! That's all very fun for me. But I only have you and Phoebe as my own granddaughters. It's fun if my grandsons are escorts but that's not really the same thing. I don't know if Phoebe will want to do it, but you were a debutante, so I am a happy grandma. It means a lot to me to have you be part of the tradition, but mostly because I have gained so many friends from it who have been life-long and I just wanted you to have the chance to be a part of it. It's nice to share it with you. But mostly I just wanted you to have fun.
The way that the Ball works, is decedents of those original 100 or so families are invited to become debutantes in San Francisco, regardless of whether or not they still live there. That is how girls like Laura end up coming-out in San Francisco. Families who have moved to San Francisco in the last 60 years, regardless of how prominent they may be now, are not invited to have their daughters be debutantes. My grandmother on my Dad's side (who I affectionately call Grammy) has been involved in the Cotillion Club for many years, and is one of a long list of women in her family to have been involved. While I was not sure that I wanted to be a part of the Ball, it meant a lot to her that I participate, so I agreed. Here is my interview with my Grammy.
MB: The Cotillion Club of San Francisco and debutante balls in general often receive criticism for being exclusive and elitist, do you think that's true? Why do you remain involved in the Ball year after year?
Grammy: I think the Ball represents history and tradition. Sure, at the time of its initiation, the Ball was only open to an exclusive group of families in San Francisco, but today when you girls walk out in front of your families and friends, it isn't because your parents make a certain amount of money--nobody can buy their way in. When you walk you are representing generations of your families, and celebrating their legacies. It is fun for me as a grandmother to see the great-granddaughters of all of my mother's friends all in one place. I don't deny that there is an over-the-top feel about it all, but the tradition means a lot to me.
MB: Speaking of over the-top, let's talk about the dresses for a second. Why does the Committee still insist that we all wear wedding-esque gowns?
Grammy: Well that's just tradition too. It's so fun with all of you in white, you can tell who is a debutante and you all just look so beautiful. Didn't you enjoy feeling like the princess for the night?
MB: Sure, I guess. But I felt a little bit bad you spent all that money on a dress I may only wear once. I'm not sure I understand why I needed a new dress, I'm sure I could have found one to wear from someone who has already been a debutante.
Grammy: I actually wanted you to wear the dress your aunt came-out in. But I couldn't find it in time. I'm sure it's upstairs somewhere. Plus, you never know, you may wear your dress again for your wedding!
MB: We can cross that bridge when we get there. You mentioned the connections of all the families involved, how many of the 3,000 people that were at the Ball would you say you know.
Grammy: Probably about half. I definitely know all the older crowd. Genie Callan (Jennie's Grandma) and I have been sitting at the same table together for more years than I can count. We always talk about our favorite dresses together. The people I don't know are mostly the friends that you as debutantes are all allowed to invite, and the family members from out of town. It is a fun reunion for me though, because i get to see so many people I know but don't get to see very often all in the same night. It is definitely my biggest social event of the year.
MB: Last question: What was it like to have me in the Ball this year? Will you expect Phoebe (my little cousin) to be a debutante too?
Grammy: Well you know, you have a lot of second-cousins. There were what, four of you who were invited to be debutantes this year?
MB: Yes.
Grammy: Right. Four of you! That's all very fun for me. But I only have you and Phoebe as my own granddaughters. It's fun if my grandsons are escorts but that's not really the same thing. I don't know if Phoebe will want to do it, but you were a debutante, so I am a happy grandma. It means a lot to me to have you be part of the tradition, but mostly because I have gained so many friends from it who have been life-long and I just wanted you to have the chance to be a part of it. It's nice to share it with you. But mostly I just wanted you to have fun.